Do you recognize self-destructive patterns in your choice of partners? The brain loves the familiar because it keeps us safe. At times, people hold on for dear life rather than make a change. This is often clear in abuse situations. When an abused child is being removed from the offenders, he hangs on to what he knows.

Are you holding on to the familiar in a destructive situation? Have you picked the wrong partners based on what is familiar?

List behaviors that you want in a partner. Make your boundaries and expectations clear. Honor the standards of the other. Over time, if someone does not heed your boundaries and the relationship is destructive, you may be e-playing familiar dramas.

Disappointment is a powerful teacher. It shows us the ways we are stuck in our limited egos and helps us open up to a deeper experience in life and love. Begin to consider the following questions:

• Am I able to use disappointments to help me open my life to spirit and love?
• Does disappointment make me bitter or better?
• How can I learn to live more in the present moment, learn my lessons from disappointments, and move on?
• How do I keep myself stuck in self-destructive patterns and how can I choose a path toward enlightenment and fulfillment?

Love is not mean or egotistical…love brings happiness and fulfillment to us despite hard times. If you have been hurt by past destructiveness, work on letting go of bitterness and embracing better ways to love and be loved. Learn from your mistakes. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

“Love is nature’s second sun” (proverb from Holland).

Dr. Linda Miles, is a highly regarded psychotherapist with over 30 years experience. Her book The New Marriage, Transcending the Happily Ever After Myth was a finalist for the Foreward Book of the Year Award. She has written many articles for professionals and published in national magazines such as Parents and Entrepreneur.

If you haven’t had much chance to see how healthy, loving relationships work on a daily basis, taking some time to really study the characteristics of healthy relationships can give you a much better chance of having one yourself. There are lots of different styles of relationships that can work just fine, but all those successful relationship styles tend to have a few things in common.

Respect is the one of the main characteristics of a healthy relationship, whether it’s friendship, dating, or marriage. A partner who respects you is willing to listen to you in a non-judgmental way and considers your interests when making any mutual decisions. Any partner who disrespects you by making belittling comments about you, criticizing you in front of others, or disregarding your feelings is one you don’t need.

After respect, support comes in next as a critical characteristic of a healthy relationship. You and your partner should be encouraging each other to go after important goals and dreams and giving each other enough freedom to do so. When times get hard, you back each other up instead up tearing each other down.

That doesn’t mean you can expect support for everything you do, though. If your partner is nagging you to quit smoking, eat better, or not stay at the office until 11 o’clock every night, they’re probably doing it out of concern for your well being.

In a strong, healthy relationship, neither of you should become suspicious or jealous without clear cause. If you have a niggling feeling that you can’t trust your significant other, your relationship will go downhill fast. That sense of trust doesn’t develop overnight, though. It comes from each partner keeping their promises and sticking to the implicit rules of the relationship (no sleeping around, no lying about major issues, etc.) consistently over a period of time.

Negotiating is one thing, using threats, guilt, and lies to manipulate a partner into doing something is another. No one should have to put up with being bullied this way. If your partner threatens to leave you, withhold physical affection, or in some other way “punish” you during every little disagreement, you may want to reconsider the relationship.

There are dozens of characteristics of a healthy relationship, but these are some of the most important ones. Remember, though, it’s a two way street. You may be doing everything “right,” but if your partner is disrespectful, unsupportive, or manipulative, you can’t call it a healthy relationship.

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Love spells are believed to be helpful when trying to get back with your ex. Whether you believe in them or not, free love spells cost nothing to try, and who knows, you may even be surprised by the results. These five tips will make your free love spells more effective, and will ensure that they have a greater chance of working correctly.

Pay Attention to the Moon

Love spells are very powerful and need a very precise environment in order to work. You need to pay attention to the position of the moon to properly perform them. For the most effective free love spell, complete it on a Friday evening during a full moon. If a full moon casting is not possible, at least try to complete it on a new moon.

Don’t Worry Be Happy

Always ensure that you are in a good mood when casting a spell. Love spells are all about caring and compassionate feelings, if you are in a bad mood when you cast, then the spell will be sure to fail. Try to think of the happiest moment that you ever had with your ex, and then cast the spell whenever you want.

Picture Your Love

Throughout the entire process, picture the one you desire in your head. For a stronger love spell, picture you and your ex doing things together and having fun like you used to. The love that you have for your ex will impact the spell, and will make it stronger.

Banish Evil

After you have completed a free love spell, you need to complete a banishing in the area. This does not have to be a big event, but it does need to be a proper banishment ritual in order to get rid of any negative or evil energy that may be lingering around the casted spell.

Generate Positive Feelings

For several days or weeks after casting a spell, relax and generate positive feelings about your past relationship. Do not ever doubt that the spell will work, or negative energies will be produced, and the process will become invalid.

Want to keep learning about the Magic that can get you your ex back or just allow you to find love?

The Magic of Making Up shows you how easy it all can be it really is just like putting a spell on the person you want! Harness Your Magic Here

This model is applicable to all of our relationships - both at work and at home. In a new relationship, we get to know one another as we begin the forming phase. At our own pace, we move into storming as we work through how to function within our relationship. During this phase, it is natural for all of us (particularly with our significant others which is the most intense of relationships) to face challenges, act out and experience a range of triggered feelings. Learning how to make choices that honour our uniqueness and build our relationship takes time and attention.

During norming we agree on rules, values, behaviour, shared ways of being, doing tasks and even taboos. Having the inner confidence and courage to claim our lives as our own is particularly important during this phase. Here we may lose our sense of self if the norming behaviors become so strong we exhibit the same preferences, opinions, style, interests, needs and wants. Called groupthink in teams, I coin this ‘couplethink’ in intimate relationships or ‘over-norming’ in all close relationships as the diversity of being human isn’t being honoured.

Ask yourself: how familiar is this pattern in my closest relationships? What are my beliefs that might support over-norming?

For instance, to feel safe, how much is the pleaser in the driver’s seat? Is over-norming about an avoidance of conflict? Or is there a lack of awareness of my own wants and needs? Is it possible that I might have a low sense of worth or unclear boundaries that support a separate identity? Is there a rule that says to be close we ’should’ think alike?

Once you name what may be stopping you from showing up as you in your closest relationships, other questions may arise. How do I stay in touch with my own self in order to make choices that may be separate from those with whom I’m closest? How do I listen to and express my own inner voice? In other words, how do I collaborate without compromising who I am?

What I have seen in my clients and within myself is that it’s important to keep checking in with all that makes up who we are to ensure we are living ‘in integrity’. Deep listening will inform us about what feels right…and what doesn’t. Being in integrity means everything lines up - our intuition, words, actions and feelings - so that there isn’t any edgy feeling of doubt within us. We know at a body level our current choice feels right to us in this moment.

Deeply listening to our inner selves requires us to focus on the present moment. It is also helpful to know ourselves, especially our values. In coaching, values are defined as what we uniquely identify as important to our own sense of aliveness and well-being. For instance, my primary value is personal growth and spirituality; my life partner’s top value is creativity. We both value exploring and trying new experiences. Knowing this about each other opens the door to holding differences.

For all of us, our own commitment to being in integrity encourages us to relate to all those who are close to us from a soulful place. Rather than trying to control or manipulate them to be and think like us, we respect and support our close circle of relationships to live their lives ‘in integrity’ as well.

It is then that we are able to perform in relationship as individuals. We are able to truly share our own selves with each other because we have separate identities that are accepted and respected. We act according to this question: what does Life want from me in this relationship in this moment? We know what to do step-by-step as we listen to our inner voice.

What I know is that when I live from the place of trusting and honouring myself in relationship, I come from spacious open-heartedness. I listen to my soul - the truth of who I truly am, that which is connected to Spirit shining through me uniquely as me. And I am more available to hold this space for my partner.

As a famous poet Rainer Maria Rilke puts it:
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful, living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each other to see the other whole against the sky.

I invite you to incline your mind to the wholeness of being ‘in integrity’ and simply notice the impact on you and your closest relationships.

Jeannie Campanelli leads groups and works one-on-one with an international clientele. She has been interviewed by national magazines including Homemaker’s, has been published in Esteem Magazine, and is a contributing author of “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life” along with such luminaries as Byron Katie, Mark Victor Hansen, and Ken Blanchard. To find out more about Jeannie and learn how to more fully develop your inner confidence, please visit her websites, http://www.innerconfidencecoaching.com and http://www.coachingcircles.ca

You have known this girl for some time. You are convinced that she is the one you would wish to marry and spend the rest of your love with. You want to grow old with her. You feel that you just want to die lying in her arms. How do you tell her that? It is not so easy, yet, there are creative ways you can do it. Why not try using a love song.

Can you sing?

If you are able to sing, you do not have to worry at all about how you can communicate your intentions to the girl of your dream. The song, you sing to this girl must be one that will provoke the right emotions you need. There are several love songs that you can sing. At the climax, get on your one knee and ask her to be your wife.

Dancing to a love music

You probably should be sure that your girl likes music. You must have discovered a song that she likes. Maybe the song you both like and elicit inner feelings of real passion. You can go out together and make arrangements for this song to be played. This can be pre arranged.

You can then get to the dance floor and invite your girl to dance with you. You have to be sure that you never give her a clue of the night or the proposal. It is better as a surprise. Then, you can propose to your girl as you dance to this music.

Music as gift Giving

You can also give your girl a music CD as a gift. This should come just like the other gifts you usually shower her with. You can print your proposal on the CD. As she opens the CD to play it, she will read your proposal. This is just about being creative. You need to be careful with the music.

After, she reads your proposal, she would no doubt be curious to know what is inside. You should ensure that you have love songs that are very strong. You can be sure that your proposal will be accepted.

Personalizing a song

Even though we know about stars who have powerful love songs, you can personalize their songs to reflect your true feelings. You can personalize the song by including the name of your love. At the end of it, you can get on your one knee and make your request.

Of course, no one would wish to receive a decline on their engagement proposal. In order that you get the acceptance, you must learn unique wedding proposals. These days, being unique is the way to go.

There is lots of information on ways to propose that will help you get to the heart of the girl you have wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You should look at them.

The ideas on how to propose will help you win the hand of your girl in marriage in the most unique way. You need to look at the creative proposal ideas to be sure that you are successful with the proposal.

Writing a love letter can neither be said as easy or difficult, but it can have a great impact on the person receiving it. In a love letter, emotions overflow and the words you write are all signs of your sincerity to the person intended. Writing a love letter is an act of love that is totally unique and has so many good points that it is worth trying it out at least once.

A good love letter makes the reader more excited as she reads further and further. It is like a good story that makes the reader very satisfied. It also lifts the emotion of the reader, even if she had a very bad day. The letter serves as something that can neutralize all the negative moods of a bad day. Surely you too will feel extremely happy when someone has shown how much you are loved.

A love letter also encourages the relationship to be free from conflicts and arguments. It also brings the relationship to more intimate levels; more meals together, more long and meaningful conversations, more hugs and so on. Writing love letters frequently also brings commitment into the picture, as stronger love is being developed. A couple that engages in love letter writing is more likely to get into marriage than those who do not. It also makes your life a more joyful one.

A love letter also kills boredom. When you have nothing to do, it’s a happy thing to think of your love and then sit down and write her a letter. It may bring tears of joy to your love, and your love will be very strong. Especially when she is feeling lonely.

A love letter will be appreciated these days where everything is replaced by emails and text messages. Therefore you will have a much higher chance of winning your love because others do not write letters. Try it once and you will fall in love in letter writing.

To learn more about dating & flirting techniques, you can visit mindchic.net. A blog that specialize in helping couples build strong relationship & singles to get a date fast!

You can also visit our Top Post and learn about the 60 words & phrases that will make men fall deeply in love with you.

If you’re here, you’re at least considering proposing to her. Take a deep breath, and read on.

The Decision

Make no mistake, proposing is the biggest decision of your life. Sorry, that probably doesn’t help in your current frazzled state. But if you’re trying to figure out if this is the right choice, here are some guidelines to deciding whether she’s the one or not.

How you feel: It’s completely understandable and normal to feel a little scared and/or nervous. No guy has ever bought an engagement ring and then proposed without a slight tremble in the hand. Mixed in with that, though, you should be excited to do this. If all you feel is obligation or that you “should” propose and there’s no giddy excitement over the idea of her beaming and saying “yes,” you need to reevaluate. Take some time for yourself and truly look at your relationship, or talk it out with a trusted buddy, brother, or your father. It’s important to get this right the first time.

How you feel about her: If a good friend were to ask what you love about your girlfriend now, what would you say? It might not be as important what exactly you love about her, but if you start rambling on so much that your buddy starts to snore or a insuppressible smile comes out just talking about her, or you even get a tad emotional thinking all that she means to you, then you’re in the right state of mind. On the flip side, if you start thinking of the ways you love her but then start hovering over those pet peeves or nagging qualities that frustrate you all the time, think about how that will grow over years of marriage.

How she feels about you: If you’ve had conversations about getting married and she has told you repeatedly that she needs more time, you need to respect that. If you push ahead despite those conversations, you could possibly push her away for good because she might think you will never listen to her. However, if you think she’s in the same place as you, then this is one of those times to man up. No one wants to get rejected, and chances are, you won’t either. Unfortunately that’s all the reassurance you’re going to get until she says “yes,” but if you’ve passed the first two criteria above, then that’s all you need to reassure yourself with. Just think about losing her and the regret of not showing her how you truly feel. That’s worth a little uneasiness to get the woman of your dreams for good.

Find a Confidant: Once you’ve decided - or possibly to help you make that decision - your very best friend, or a brother or sister, or your dad can help to ease some of your nervousness. Obviously, this confidant has to be the right person who won’t spill the beans, but having even a one-person support base for the biggest decision of your life can feel like you’ve had a weight lifted off your shoulders. And the added bonus is that who you choose to share this news with is an obvious choice for your best man. Now, all that’s left is asking her.

Romantic Proposal Ideas

Even if you’ve had conversations with her about getting married, and you’ve even looked at rings together, make sure the proposal is as much of a surprise as possible. The reason: She’s been dreaming of this moment since she first had a crush back in second grade. So you’ve got to make this special. Here’s our list of the best and worst ways to pop the big question.

I Do’s

* College days - If you’re college sweethearts, go to the place on campus that reminds you of those first sparks of young love.
* The view - As long as Mother Nature cooperates, a spot with a great view or beautiful sunset is always a good pick.
* Wined and dined - It may be traditional, but the swanky restaurant has always set the right mood for a reason.
* That special place - If we knew what it was, it wouldn’t be that meaningful to the two of you.
* The blockbuster - If you really want to wow her, spare no expense. Whisk her off to Paris or that great coastal resort she’s always dreamed of.

I Don’ts*

* On the scoreboard at a sporting event - you may think a hotdog and beer is romantic, but unless you have some special connection to the team or the place (a la Fever Pitch), this is a surefire way to tell her you’ll end up on the couch watching sports every Sunday while yelling to her to get you another beer.
* On top of a dessert/in a glass of champagne - This is on our “don’ts” list for sheer practicality: the last thing you want is to be nervous she’s going to swallow or chip a tooth on her new diamond.
* In front of the family - This is a moment for the two of you, not for either sets of your parents or extended family.
* On a billboard - For the same price, you could have taken her on a great mini-vacation that would have made much better memories.
* Christmas gift - Are you trying to tell us (and her) that this is a way out of buying a real Christmas gift?

*A caveat: You obviously know your girlfriend better than anyone else. So if you had seriously considered one of our “I don’ts” as the perfect idea, pass it by a buddy and see what he thinks.

Now that you’ve decided you’re ready and planned the proposal, there’s only one thing left to do: become the world’s next reigning authority on diamonds. Not to worry, shopping for a ring is easy with this complete guide to diamond engagement rings, settings and metals. Good luck!

Cori Russell is editor for Elegala.com and Gala Weddings Magazine. Elegala.com is a complete weddings and wedding planning resource with a national directory of wedding venues and services, how-to guides, expert advice, checklists and photo galleries to walk brides and grooms through every step of the planning process.

As you go along through the journeys of life, you will discover that there is no substitute to love. This is a very strong statement which simply means that you should either have love or nothing. Love is depicted as a very strong emotion which is one of the greatest drives that ensures that people are in a position to make their relationships even deeper. There is no substitute to love and, most people who are single will be seeking for real love. They have realized that real or true love is what they need. It is often not very hard to distinguish between real love and general affection. When you truly love someone, you want to spend your time and resources just to be close to the other person. When you just have affection, the feelings are not as deep. There are very many people who enter into life long commitments with the absence of true love. This is not uncommon and, is mainly driven by convenience. This does not necessarily mean that the unions will collapse. Some people who enter into such unions might learn to love their spouses along the way. This sounds rather interesting but, it is very much so.

For example, people who live in societies where marriage is arranged, they do not have a choice of the person to marry. However, as they proceed with the union, they get to like each other and eventually become one in love. Love is very complicated and there is no fully explaining it. It is vital that you reach a point in your life where you say that there is no substitute to love. This will help you know what you want. There are people who are not able to recognize love even when it is in front of them. This is often very sad because opportunities for love are usually very hard to come by. The following are some tips to help your recognize what true love is all about. First, the absence of doubt with a certain person you have in mind to love will indicate love. This is when your gut feeling and your heart are in unison. It is where you feel almost unconditional affection for a person. These are heavy emotions to deal with if you lack direction. True love is possible with anyone from any circle and, often times, we find ourselves in love with people we would even not give a second look. This is what is most interesting about love.

For your happiness, you should acknowledge that there is no substitute to love. If you find yourself thinking too much about a particular person, you might be in love. It is through admiration for the traits of a person that we fall in love. However, you must recognize that there is a thin line between a love and infatuation. To be honest, you have to wait for the end result to tell the difference. Many infatuations have given rise to great love and, no one can claim to totally understand the ways of love. Your heart might do a lot but, it will inform you when you love somebody. It feels great to be in love and for this reason, you should not settle for less; it is not worth substituting love for anything else.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert.You Can Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At No Substitute To Love.

There comes a time in your life when you say ‘I want love’. This is only natural and many people reach this point. There are various things that you need when you reach this stage. First, it is good that you identify the problem in the first place and say ‘I want love’. This is because there are very many people who often do not identify their problem and end up feeling very frustrated. As human beings we were created to be social beings and this is not just for friendship. We want people to be close to us in an intimate way and this is often called romantic love. It is very essential and, getting true love can prove to be quite hectic. There are several things you can do after you say the statement ‘I want love’ to yourself. You can simply go out and make friends with potential mates or you can ask out that girl or guy who might have caught your eye. This is the onset of dating process and, you need to empower yourself with a lot of information before you go out hunting or seeking for true love.

You must identify what you want in regard to love. There are people who will be happy with short term flings and there are others who just need to meet ‘the one’. The best way to start your dating experience is with a prior knowledge of what to expect. It is through dating advice that you can truly know how to escape some of the major pitfalls that people are often not able to escape. The first thing will be to seek a good source of advice. Almost all leading dating services online will offer free dating advice for you. Some of the topics you need to cover are on how to meet the right person and so on. First, dating advice according to To My Date online dating service will prepare you to have the right attitude for dating. It is paramount that you have only the right attitude when you are preparing to meet somebody. A positive attitude is more like it. Singles who have been alone for sometime may come in with a defeated attitude but, to make sure that mates are attracted to you, you must have positive energy coming from you and this way, you will be in a position to attract.

In life, you get what you fix you mind to achieving; when you put the right effort. Therefore, start with an attitude that is positive and, one that will be appealing to others. The other piece of advice that you need to take is to overcome your past. Many singles come with attachments and disappointments from past relationships. Because of this baggage, they are not able to fully express their true feelings and may hold back. Dating advice will guide you on how to overcome pain and get ready for great gain. If you plan to look for love online, you will be guided on how to go about mingling online. You will learn all the safety tactics as well as how to conduct first dates.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest Project I Want Love Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At I Want Love

There you are hanging out with your “buds” having a few drinks (or more than a few) asking yourself and anybody that will listen if your breakup is really final. You keep trying to figure out what went wrong. Was it you or your partner? Your family, friends and co-workers will sympathize just so much before they begin to distance themselves from you.

You may go off in the other direction trying to get over your ex lover by rebounding and rebounding and rebounding - you get the point, the only person you’re hurting is yourself! The way you’re acting is characteristic of breakups nowadays. Rather than trying to dwell on the past events, rather than trying to get “revenge”, you need to be asking the right questions.

What are the right questions? They’re the tough questions that give you an idea of what went wrong in your relationship. Like, for instance, what part you played in the breakup? The hardest part of all is looking at the areas in your life you need to improve and the skills you need to learn to keep from making the same mistakes. Everyone wants to change the other person “fix’em” but that’s never going to happen. The only person you can change is yourself! Here’s the great thing about changing yourself, many times the other person will change as the result of your new behavior.

Most people think “talking” when it comes to communication. They don’t realize there are other ways to communicate.

Check out these other forms of communication between you and your

partner:

1. Check out their body language while they’re talking. Are you getting mixed messages?

2. Eye contact is important, does the other person look you in the eye or look away when they talk to you? Sometimes this can be a sign of dishonesty.

3. Facial expression can tell you a lot about the person and what they are feeling.

4. Communication also involves their facial expression and body language when they aren’t talking.

5. Body movement and position are an important part of communicating with others. Are they being aggressive?

6. If you misinterpret any or all the communication signs from your partner, you are more likely to jump to wrong conclusions.

So, is your breakup final? Maybe not. It may be the result of not communicating properly between you and your partner. If that’s the case, you need to stop drinking, using drugs and going through women like ice cold beer on a hot day. If you really want to have a happy, relatively peaceful life then you should develop the skills you need to make it happen. Once you learn the skills you may be able to get back your ex or move on to a new, stable relationship.

(If you are involved in an abusive relationship with your partner get help immediately. Get away, get counseling, stay away and stay safe.

Statistics show more men are being abused in relationships and generally are too ashamed to admit it until something bad happens.) When it comes to having a loving relationship, the more skills you have to handle crisis situations, the better it will be for you and your partner. Great relationships don’t happen by accident, most couples work at building a strong foundation. How important is your relationship to you?

How much do you love your partner? Learning the proper skills can help you and your partner get through tough times and grow closer as a couple. Learning how to improve a relationship can be the best thing you could do for yourself and your lover.

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